Let's Talk About FEAR!

I've been avoiding this topic all week. Each of these dominant emotions seem to have so many layers underneath and fear is no different. It seems to be the emotion we as a society have researched the most, which leads me to believe that fear may be the emotion we most struggle to understand.

Fear seems to be the emotion we struggle to even call an emotion. We have discovered and differentiated fear responses, we have begun to grasp the long-term effects of fear on the mind and body but is this to better understand fear or to avoid fear altogether? Fear, as with all of the dominant emotions, is a necessary and natural reaction to experiences in life.

Connection

We need fear. Fear is a moment of uncertainty. Fear is actually a moment where our internal world is incredibly united and focused on a single goal - survival. Fear is one of our three survival emotions for a reason.

We need FEAR to:

• Detect and respond to potential threats.

• Assess risk and make decisions to minimize harm.

• Learn and grow as a human navigating uncertainty.

• Protect those within our social group.

In a lot of ways, fear is telling us that something we really care about might be hanging in the balance; this could be a big life decision or our actual life itself. Either way, fear is communicating something about our needs and wants.

The Unknown

A friend of mine introduced me to the circle of change illustrated below. She explained the importance of some level of fear in moving out of your comfort zone and into new learning and development. Lots of new things produce some level of fear, uncertainty or risk because we've never tried them before, we don't know the ending or what will happen next. The word "control" could be applied here: new things often have an element of losing our perceived control - which, let's face it, for many of us, is fear inducing.

The other part of the circle of change that is important to mention but is not pictured here, is that when the fear zone is far too big and overwhelming, we never make it through to the other side.

It is in these moments that we have likely experienced one of the aforementioned fear responses. Either we FIGHT against what is causing us fear, we try to escape the fear (FLIGHT), we FREEZE in the face of fear or we attempt to "friendly" the fear away (FAWN), or more than likely, we do a combination of all of the above.

Facing a fear zone that is far beyond your capacity becomes a moments where fear feels like more than an emotion. These are the moments that feel all encompassing and overwhelm our bodies and senses. This is the side of fear that we are trying to research and explain away.

Taking Action

So what do we do about fear? How do we navigate the fact that we need some of it, but not too much? How do we label and experience natural fear of the unknown without causing or inflicting long term damage on ourselves and the people around us?

As I have mentioned throughout this series, if the theory around the Enneagram is true, 1/3 of all people around the world have fear as their dominant emotion - Types 5, 6 and 7. This means that of the three survival emotions, anger, sadness and fear, these three types experience fear more than the other two. Fear isn't something to avoid, it's something to investigate. If fear is necessary, what is it pointing out to us when we experience it?

When I labeled this section "taking action" it felt too bold. But I think it needs to be bold. Fear is a moment for taking action. If you are experiencing fear as you learn a new skill or take a measured risk in your life, keep going! Fear is a feeling! Fear will come and go! Don't sit and stew on those moments, letting the fear build and grow, giving yourself every excuse to return to your safe little comfort zone - get your body in motion and just try it!

And on the other side, if you are witnessing a moment of fear that is far beyond the normal bounds of risk and uncertainty, take action! Fear is designed for our safety and survival, not to threaten us.

Next time you have a moment of fear, remember the circle of change. Fear can push us into new and creative spaces if we can spend a moment being curious about why it is there in the first place.