Get Back Here: The Story of the Disappearing Five

I can almost sense the Enneagram Five's shaking in their boots as they read that title! There's nothing to fear here my Five friends! This blog is dedicated to the best parts of you.

Feeling Lost

One of the reasons I love the Enneagram is the way it examines our true nature. I believe each person was born their Enneagram number and through life circumstance and other influences, it has shifted and adapted to look slightly different over the years, but at the core, our number, our motivation, our basic fears and desires have remained the same.

At the core of an Enneagram Five is a little version of them saying, "my needs are too much." There's an overwhelming sense that it isn't safe to be too comfortable and that if they don't need much and can provide for themselves whatever is absolutely necessary, maybe people will stick around.

*Cue the tears

Each Enneagram number has a similar story told from a different perspective. It's a story of having your worst fears confirmed. It's a story of seeing the world from a place of loss and watching the world seemingly agree with you.

It is because of this fear that we create all kinds of patterns and coping skills to avoid that which we fear. An Enneagram Five is dedicated to being useful, capable and competent. They are experts in their field and can survive almost anything on their own. But is that what they really want?

Embracing Possibility

The Enneagram has moments of comfort and moments that can be deeply unsettling. The way of growth, is a way through fear. The way of learning, is uneasy and unsettling.

Enneagram Fives received the message that it was not safe to be too comfortable or to have needs so when they feel overwhelmed by their own needs or the needs of others, they withdraw. That makes sense! That is a coping skill that felt necessary.

Here's the truth, having needs isn't a problem.

Yes, it's too simple. Yes, it's too easy. But that's what the Enneagram is, it's a simple explanation of how we have distorted a message as simple as "having needs isn't a problem" into "needs are overwhelming." There isn't anything to "fix." All that is required is an observation and a little bit of curiosity the next time a need springs up.

Take a deep breath and see what else is going on in your body - no right or wrong answers, just see what you notice.

Standing Strong

If I have learned anything about the Enneagram over the last decade, I have learned that those little messages persist, grow and in many ways resist being told "no." That doesn't mean they're right! That means they are scared. We needed our distorted messages, they kept us safe in many ways. But it's time to leave them behind and to leave behind the controlling way they have kept us from connecting to ourselves and others.

Enneagram Fives, having needs isn't a problem. We like you with or without your needs out in the open because, we just like YOU. We like your curiosity, we like your ingenuity, we like your incredible mind for details and the creative way you see the world and we LOVE your dry sense of humour. Take as much time as you need to yourself, it doesn't bother us, we get it. But please know, we would ALWAYS take more of your company, because you're awesome.

So to the Enneagram Five in all of us:

I trust that I am competent to navigate any circumstance I face. I embrace the needs of myself and others and choose to evaluate those needs from a space of more: there is more than enough for me and there is more than enough for you. I accept what I can do and trust that whatever is lacking will be handled by the collective - everything we do contributes to the whole.

For more on the Enneagram Motivations and Responses download this Free Reference Guide